What is Your Style in Raising your Teenager(s)?
Lately, we have seen much turbulence around the world, with tons of ink used in writings on democracy and autocracy. There has been a great divide about various issues such as vaccinations, LGBTQ rights, abortions, and women’s rights. We have seen fierce fighting for independence and democracy in Ukraine, freedom of choice in wearing the hijab or not wearing it in Iran, demands of religious freedoms in India, and other global human rights issues.
These issues are not only political issues, but fundamental to one’s attitude to life, lifestyle choices, and opinions in acting in the world and raising children.
In psychology, the teachings around how adults raise their children are classified into four categories:
- Authoritarian Style
- Authoritative Style
- Permissive Style
- Neglectful Style
1.) The Authoritarian Style is a hierarchical style, with the parents on the top and the children below obeying them. There are strict rules in place and punishment if children fail to follow them. The child is expected to be respectful and unquestioning of the path the parents have set up for them. The child’s emotions, thinking and behavior are subordinated to the will of the adult.
2.) The Authoritative Style is a more egalitarian style. The child’s opinions and feelings are respected and taken into consideration when rules are being set. There will be an open dialogue between child and parents before rules and expectations are being laid down. The aim is to reach an agreement between parents and child on various issues, but failure to live by the agreement comes with consequences that the child is likely to naturally experience.
3.) The Permissive Style is a parenting style where more or less ‘anything goes’. Parents see their roles as friends of the child rather than playing a guiding role. In their negotiations with the child, the outcome will be mostly child driven, even if the parent does not really agree or sees negative consequences which are unappreciated by the child. The child is spoiled with rewards even if the parent knows they are not deserved. Rules are rarely enforced.
4.) The Neglectful Style is a style where the parent is usually not involved in the life of the child. The parent is emotionally and physically absent or cares little about the life and behaviors of the child. The child is left to their own devices and can get into trouble without the parent caring or even knowing about it.
How you raise your child and which style you adopt depends mostly on how you think about the world, how you were raised, and what values you endorse.
You may find yourself drawn to one or more of these styles of raising your child, and perhaps even choose a different style at different times in your child’s development. Your style may vary depending on your mood, what is happening in your life, on the nature of the conflict between you and your child, or on any other reason. However, the style you choose mostly depends on your values and opinions about life.
Some parents engage with their child in ways that fall predominantly into one specific style, which is the one that mostly represents their values and opinions. Nonetheless, parenting styles have been extensively researched favouring a particular style as the one most likely to yield the best outcomes in the child’s development.
The question to you is:
“Which style do you think brings about the best outcomes in raising your child?”
Please leave your comments below.
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